Making Amends With My Past Mistakes

This post will be a little different than the others because it is part of my process of expressing my inner fears while also learning to forgive myself and my previous mistakes.

This has been the most difficult thing for me lately. It's increased my anxiety and put me in a depressed state about myself and my life. I've made numerous mistakes in my life, some of which I've forgiven myself for, while others will take time to fully heal from. "You made your peace, and that's all you can do," my therapist once told me. Everything else is entirely up to them." Even if you have expressed sincere apologies to your friend or loved one, it can be painful to lose them completely from your life. We all make mistakes as humans, but we try to learn from them.

For me, especially these past few months I have felt so ashamed of myself that I'm at a loss on how I can gently learn to forgive myself what any mistakes I have done. It breaks my heart that I'm so hard on myself, I'm not sure if that is because I was raised in a way where failure wasn't an option or the perfectionism in me wants to fix everything when in reality it's out of my control.

I know from past experience that I must make amends with myself. What does that look like, you may wonder? To begin, consider the following:

• I have to remind myself that I will make mistakes in life, but that does not make me a failure. My past mistakes do not define me and I need to let go of the perfectionists' image.

• Second, write down my feelings and mistakes. Admitting my mistakes in my journal has been helpful, but my feelings toward myself have been negative. The negative feelings have been consuming and have put me in a state when I feel out of control sometimes. I'll admit I'm just grieving and I'll feel this way for some time and I know that's okay. Experiencing negative emotions isn't bad, it's just part of my healing process.

• Third, write an apology letter by allowing everything to come out and be unfiltered.

• Finally, look after my physical, mental, and emotional health. This is a big one for me. Since my anxiety has been heightened and my emotions are flooding I have been very hypervigilant about my own well-being. Each day comes with its challenges but I try to remain hopeful even when I'm feeling despair.

As I continue to write this blog post, it serves as a great reminder that I am not alone in this and that I will be okay. I just wanted to remind everyone who is reading and following my healing journey that it is okay to be sad about the loss of a wonderful person in your life, but also to remember the good times you shared with that person. Even if months or years pass with no resolution, know that you are doing your best.

My inner peace: Even if we have a falling out or are no longer friends, I will always wish them the best. I will always want the best for them in life, even if it means that I am no longer involved. I wouldn't want them to keep me in their lives if all they feel towards me is rage and resentment. I prefer that they are free and happy in their lives. I'm the type of person who, even if someone has wronged me or I have hurt them, I wish them the best in life.

My advice to my readers is to take your time coming to terms with everything, and to use this opportunity to learn from your mistakes if you are going through something similar to what I am going through. What has helped me is to look at my life and determine what aspects of myself and my actions I want to change. While reviewing your life, be gentle with yourself, give yourself a hug, and remind yourself that you are doing your best.